Kabbalah Gratitude vs Revenge Markers in One Entry

November 5, 2020

I kept pushing through a heavy day of spiritual gratitude and startup confidence repeatedly clashed, and I closed it by staying in control and moving my story forward.

1:00 PM

THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 4, 2020

3:00 a.m.

I was gonna type something, didn't. I was watching Euphoria. It's not that great, it's like a 6 or 7 out of 10--very subjective ratings.

3:30 a.m.

I was thinking, I really, really love Jesus Christ. I'm a Christian. G-d has done so much for me. I mustn't do anything evil.

...

I have done very little in life. Everyone else does everything. I love the Jewish people. █████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████ I have a lot of Jewish friends because I love them. They're just like me.

Jacques Huyghebaert has come in to fight for me, he lobbied my mum, he lobbied my uncle and he lobbied the vendors, team and customers. Jonathan Hirshon is the coolest person I have ever met. I have no doubt G-d sent Jonathan Hirshon my way.

I was fascinated by Jewish Kabbalah string. I saw Madonna and other celebrities had it, so, I also got a red string. I got a sacred string from Gangaramaya Temple and the monks put it on the left wrist. They told me not to put it on my left wrist. They said it's evil. I naturally put it on left wrist.

Jonathan Hirshon was teaching me that Kabbalah goes a lot deeper than that. He taught me. Or maybe it happened by luck, coincidence and chance. I don't know, when I saw those bullets from that hand cannon didn't hit Vincent Vega and Jules Winnfield, it was a sign from G-d, that G-d came down from heaven and stopped those bullets.

I think G-d does everything, G-d has given me Jonathan as a friend. He's so cool. He's Californian. He's so liberal, just like me, but less liberal. He told not to look at Qliphoth, which I obviously, obviously, obviously did.

I was thinking Jesus Christ must rule over any decisions I make. So far, I have earned a very good reputation. In 2 years, our company's grown powerful. We're known by everyone important in the country. I have zero doubt I won't be insanely successful. Or I have no doubt I will be insanely successful*.

I will make Jonathan Hirshon our Director and give him $350,000 per year and 25% of our total profits. Nobody has any shares in Cyberspace Command.

3:45 a.m.

My family is like Sri Lanka, and as a Sri Lanka business, we will continue to flourish. John Keells Holdings earns Rs 129bn revenue and Rs 6.7bn net income with 14,000 employees.

Cyberspace Command revenues are only going to be close to Rs 2 to 5bn or $10 to 27m and good net income percentage with about 50 people. That's not bad for a very well positioned, bootstraping only 2 year startup in a booming industry when 90% startups collapse within 2 years.

More importantly, the real strengths in Cyberspace Command are our team who have good relationships with decision makers of the enterprise customers, great solutions, plans, political contacts and authority over Buddhism through my uncles. We can even scale and expand overseas.

███████████████████████████████████████████

██████████████████████████████████

// Rage, speculation,

███████████████████████████████████████████

// Rage, speculation, assumptions,

// Rage, speculation, suspicion,

4:00 a.m.

// Rage

████████████████████████████████

"█████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████ ██████████████████████████████████████████████"

Update. ███████ didn't do anything wrong. I seem to be suspicious and have assumed a lot of bad things.

4:30 a.m.

// Rage

4:45 a.m.

// Rage

5:00 a.m.

// Rage

...

// Relief

12:45 a.m.

I woke up tired. There's a bump on my upper neck left side. I think it's a mosquito bite or something. I woke up in the night and ate cookie. I like cookies just like Bush 41.

Trump's going to lose the US election apparently. He's going to fight it out. He's got a lot of votes. I don't mind Biden. I prefer Trump, but I don't mind Biden.

1:00 p.m.

I don't know if you can measure intelligence. Can you say Bezos and Zuckerberg are smarter than Jared Kushner? Maybe in some areas. Are they smarter than Tim Cook, Satya Nadella and Sundar Pichai?

Mostly likely, yes. But not in all areas, Mark Zuckerberg can't really program as well as Pichai. Bezos and Zuckerberg are only smarter, just like Elon Musk, because they own their company and control it -- which is important.

Kushner wants to fix the Middle East. █████████████████████████████████████████████████████████ ███████████████████████████ ██████████████████████████████████ ████████████████████

4:15 p.m.

Sporting Star needs to get into stock trading business. It's the next step. ████████████████████████████████ I'll try to help them do so. It'll protect their racing sports betting business.

12:15 AM

FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 5, 2020

12:15 a.m.

I'm watching Euphoria. It's pretty s***. It's a 5 out of 10 at best. It's terrible. Rotten tomatoes are rotten. I'm having a wonderful dinner. The Great Wall Restaurant food has improved.

1:15 a.m.

I finished watching Euphoria. I hated it. They put in a lot of work. I'd give it 6 out of 10 at most. I wish I didn't watch it. Some of the girls like Cassie Howard played by Sydney Sweeney were really attractive, very voluptuous. It had a good message, nice theme, well written. It's easy to judge, critique, hard to produce and make.

Life without air conditioning is hard. It's boiling hot in my room. I remember back in University of Leicester, it would some times get hot. I'd be in my Hefner robe. But now, in my room, it's ridiculously hot. I can't breathe. I'll probably watch some more tv. I'll sleep later. I better take 45 mg of Mirtazapine.

It's so hot today. I did my company letterhead again, it looks pretty good. ████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████ It looks world class. I love it.

1:30 a.m.

I'm watching the new Mulan (2020). I love the song, I'll make a man out of you. I love this. I love the Chinese. I love China. I'm learning Chinese. I still haven't learned the bad words. ███████████████████████████████████████████████████████████

I'm shocked I never learned the bad words in Chinese. I think I once did, but I forgot. I must've, I remember, someone told me to say something like "Diu Lay Lo Mo" or at least "Diu Lay" in Chinese, I think it was Ryan Goh, in Singapore, and I said it and someone was hurt and upset and screamed back at me, I was so happy, I knew the magic words worked.

One day, Martinn uncle told me he will give me a Pokemon game if I asked him in English language. So, I learned English. I think if he had asked me to learn Chinese, it would've been better.

It's not a hard language to learn. 我 means I, 你 means you. You can take it from there. I would've anyway learned English language. My master language. My internal thinking voice language. I must learn Chinese. I want to do business in China. I love the Jewish people and learned the greeting words in Hebrew, but I'm not a bright person, so I doubt I can learn Hebrew.

Denzil Perera is trying to get $100m investment from China, we're forgetting about England and America, and India, we're trying to go to China, we have good chemistry, I have good chemistry, I'm treated as a friend, I've never experienced any disrespect from a Chinese in my life.

I love China and Israel and Singapore and England and America. █████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████

1:45 a.m.

I'm getting sleepy. I love Mulan. I love this movie. I was watching it and I guess that it's real actors. But for a second, after watching new Lion King, which is animated, i honestly can't tell if it's animated or not. If Mulan is animated, i wouldn't be surprised. It looks life like. It's realistic. I can't tell it apart.

2:30 a.m.

I'm getting sleepy. It's so hot in my room. I'm tired. I wish I had some chocolate. Or I wish I had some ice cream. ██████████████████████████████████ It's so annoying. I can't get any ice cream from the supermarket. I should've just bought 2 litres of mango ice cream instead of 1 litre. I regret it. ██████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████

I wish Michelle Yeoh and Jackie Chan could've and should've somehow been in Mulan. I love them. I think China needs to be more liberalized culturally. Jackie Chan was a ████████ once, just like Sylvester Stallone.

In the same way, Xi Jinping and Jack Ma and other Chinese need to loosen up, be cool, laugh, live a little, be in Mulan as cameos, etc. There's gotta be a Chinese Hollywood. I get a good feeling from eccentric Jack Ma, there must be more Chinese like him who represent the modern new China.

2:45 a.m.

I like how dodgy Dave Cameron had a beer with Xi Jinping once. China is no longer a poverty stricken disaster. China is a great dragon. There's people starving in America now. China must take the new place in the lead. Economically, they're good, now socially and culturally, they must lead.

3:00 a.m.

Aww Mulan is treated badly because she's a girl. When I was small, I had hairy legs, I was really ashamed because I wanted shaved clean smooth legs like a girl. I think I'm a little bit of a girl. My mum was right to put me in St Bridget's Convent. I used to shave, then later trim my legs like Richard Branson.

████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████ █████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████

██████████████████████████████████████████████ ███████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████

4:30 a.m.

I saw Mulan. I loved it. But I wish they had my favourite song I'll make a man out of you. It's a beautiful movie. I'm going to sleep soon.

1:45 p.m.

Just woke up. I'm hungry. Need food. Need to wash my face, brush my teeth and see what's going on. ████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████

3:00 p.m.

3:15 p.m.

3:45 p.m.

Let's see what happens.

4:15 p.m.

I'm not sure about any of these people. I don't see any real attack thus far. I'm wondering whether I should end my relationship with these guys.

I'm starting to believe there's no future with any of them. They've got no assets, no plans and no value to me. They don't offer any friendship, no loyalty, no respect, there's no trust and I have no mutual friends or any shared, common interests.

███████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████ ███████████████████████████████████████████████████████████ ██████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████

5:00 p.m.

I'm starting to worry about "the guilty conscience" thing. It's going to be with me forever. I'll regret it. Somehow, my conscience will cause me to punish myself. I won't have the power to stop it. It's cognitive dissonance. That's why I have to be extra careful.